I need to CRY, like a hard long cry. But I can’t, I get close but nothing comes. I think my blood pressure has risen increasingly by all the yelling I have done. How many times do I need to tell Devon to go to bed? Leave me ALONE….please!!! I can’t keep up, they are running me ragged. Not a normal ragged, like “Oh today’s been rough” but a “I hate my life” kinda week and you can see how run down and drained I look. I know, I know, there are tons of people who have more kids, whose husbands leave for TDYs or business trips all the time and do a great job at handling it. But guess what I am NOT one of those people. I need my husband; I need him to keep me sane. He helps out so much that it’s not till he is gone that I realize how much he does when he gets home at night. I just can’t keep up.
While I am washing my face, showering, going to the bathroom, cleaning up a mess they just made, they are somewhere else in the house making another mess. Devon, full up not listening. He just sits right there in front of me while I am talking to him and ignores me. HELLO, I am standing right in front of you YELLING. Makenley stands at my feet at all times. If I go to the bathroom she thinks she should come too, if someone is getting in trouble she has to be right there front and center. Reagan, ugh, Reagan. What happend to the perfect lil girl I had just 5 months ago? She flat out ignores me when I tell her NO, slaps, hits, bites, falls on the floor, pours drinks out on the floor, plays in her food, colors on the walls, furniture, books and really do I need to go on?
I know what you are all going to say or thinking. Half of you are saying I need to go get a stiff drink and the other half are saying get on your knees and pray and pray and pray. Well, how much praying? I know life isn’t suppose to be easy. Everything we are given we can handle or are suppose to learn from.
Well OK, I am listening!! I am wanting an answer. I feel like “Donkey” (literally) from Shrek, when before you press play he is jumping up and down saying “Pick me….ooohh….Pick me”!! Lord, well here I am please pick me!! I want it to be my turn. I want to know what I need to learn from these 3 kids. What I need to be doing differently or better. I WANT TO KNOW!!! This has been a hell of a week and I want my husband home. I want to love my children again. Please tell me what it is that I need to know or learn at this time in my life!
In the last week I have gotten bitten by a dog, cut my thumb with an electric hedge trimmer, yelled at my kids 359 times, cleaned up the living room 2-3 times a day every day, hardly eaten and for that I can feel the acid eating the lining of my stomach. UGH, and I still can’t seem to cry even though it’s right there. I can’t just let it out and I don’t know why. WHY? I know that I was a horrible teenager and what goes around comes around. But really? Really, when they are 2 and 7? So am I going to go through hell at this age and as teenagers?? Was I really that bad??
This ranting and raving really gives you no idea how bad this last week and a half has been. But at least you may have somewhat of an idea. I am so impressed by the thousands of military spouses and single parents in this world. How hard it is and how much strength they have.
One last note. I am not looking for pity or advice. This was just a simple need to vent publicly. I still have another week to go. Just wish me luck!!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Need to V-E-N-T
Posted by Otisfamily at Tuesday, May 13, 2008
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10 comments:
Have you read the Love and Logic books? All my sisters and friends who have children rave about them.
I do get mad when people say JUST PRAY. Praying will only do so much. It's more about learning.
You are so amazing to be a military wife. You need a time out for yourself.
You shouldn't have to yell every second of the day. It's not fair to you. Like my mom says...action speaks louder than words.
Breath Breath Breath
Ummmmmm I think this blog should be title "where in the world is Martha". Sounds like its been a crappy week. Don't worry it always is worse before its better. Military life don't you just love it sometime. Wished we lived by each other so we could have pity parties together its more fun that way!
Hey girl! I'm not going to give any advice, because I have none. I admire you. John at least comes home every night and I'm going just as insane as you are! My kids are seriously making me want to kill myself. Okay, well, not seriously, but close. They fight with each other, and the whining, OH THE WHINING! All 3 of them whine like there is no tomorrow!!! I just want to go in my room, close the door, and let them have full reign of the house until John gets home. I'm tempted everyday to let that happen! So, hang in there girl! And know that you're not the only one in your situation! Plenty of us out here are fed up with our lives too! :)
HI sounds like everyone needs a timeout. Being a daycare provider of 7 believe me I know where you are coming from. My advice is have them clean up the mess and put everything away. Bring out very few toys and swap them out. If you need to vent e-mail me I am on Angie's blog site my name is Lisa.
Hope you don't mind me checking out your blog.
I know how you feel. I have 3 myself, pregnant with a 4th and a husband who works 80-100 hour weeks (Intern). "sigh" People just don't know what that means until they are living it. Lisa's advice struck me as funny. It's not really about the kids, is it? I could tell you to spank them and lock them outside and you would still be angry and frustrated. You could clean up but the messes are continuous, hence some of the frustration. Well, a book I read once said that when we're angry it's because our expectations are out of scope with what we can control. What are you expecting of yourself and family that is not realistic? (i.e. what are your reasons for yelling?)
I'll be thinking about you.
A
HELLO!!! Call me and V-E-N-T!! That's how us military wives get through it, we rely on each other!! I still owe you for all you did for me while Ed was gone - use me!!
Ok maybe the anonymous reader misunderstood. I know exactly what it's like to have a husband working out of town. To be exact it was close to about eight weeks. I did get to see him some weekends. But I do understand exactly what Amy is going through. My daycare kids are just like my own heck I spend more time with them than their own parents. There are days when I find my self screaming all day too. I was just giving Amy some helpful tips to make her days easier. I used to have messes just like her pictures until I sorted the toys into rubbermaid storage containers and they put it back in the container after they are done. When I had all the toys out they would just dump everything out all over the floor thats just what kids will do. But when you put things on a shelf and bring it out every so often then the messes seem so much easier to deal with especially when I make them clean it up. Maybe I just didn't make myself clear on that. I only have my husband to vent to and he doesn't want to hear it so who does want to hear all of our frustrations? Maybe anonymous would like to comment on this? Oh one more thing I put them to work they love to clean even my own kids with the exception of my 13 year old. Us MOM'S need to stick together. LOL!!!
I am probably the one who says 'pray about it' most often. One thing I have learned is that sometimes all you can do is 'endure to the end' and thats not easy on 'those' kind of days! I'm just very thankful having read the other comments that you have so many friends and people who also understand and care about you!
I'm right there with you.... wish I had read this earlier.
TODAY, it will all get better!
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